Friday, 4 September 2015

The Escape Plan

Year 11 is fast approaching as on the 7th of September I will be forced to return to the prison that most call school. However I have been scheming and planning (as usual), and I have come up with an escape plan.

You must not tell anyone, not even your dog. And you must listen very very closely, as I will not be repeating myself.
(Not my photo, sourced from Pinterest)

Stage 1)
Pack your bags.
This step is fairly straight forward, you will need a black duffel bag, or a body-bag will do - depending on what type of desperate teenager you are, and you will need to pack the following things -
- Cadbury's animal crackers, for the journey
- 3 Galaxy chocolate bars - one for you and two for me.
- A onesie, because who doesn't like footsie pajamas?!
- A black coat, in case it gets a little nippy outside.

Stage 2)
Get yourself ready.
For this step you will need equip yourself with the following attire, otherwise you simply won't fit the part.
- A black leather catsuit - or just black leggings and a top but you will have to accept the fact that you won't look as cool...
- Black Nike trainers - the ones that all the Chavs wear - you know the ones.
- Black eyeliner - don't just buy it, actually put it on, so that you look fancy and mysterious.

Stage 3)
Move out. Go, go, go!
We will leave London at 0855 and will arrive in Siberia at 0500 hours. Then we will trek 3 hours North. Once we reach 'Keptin' we will head West for 1km, until we reach the 'River Mekele.' By the side of the river there is a steel plate located on the ground beneath the snow covering it. The latch opens from the side and leads to a ladder which takes you down to an underground war bunker situated under the river. This will be our base for the foreseeable future.

Stage 4)
Remain in the bunker and avoid all human contact.
This step is also quite self explanatory. The objective is so remove yourself from civilization. Set your responsibilities aside, forget that year 11 is fast approaching and you have exams to take. No one can find you, those exams are no longer a threat to your happiness. They are gone. And as long as you don't return, they won't return.

Stage 5)
At the moment, you are a lone wolf; travelling to find your pack.
This is the stage where you find said pack.
We shall meet in Orto-Surt, which is 2 hours North-East of Keptin. Here we will create further plans to regroup and will look into any paper-trails we have unintentionally created.

Year 11 is no more, your past life of exam stress is no more that a haze in the distance, you have escaped and you can start your new life now.
This is the escape plan, and you have escaped.

I shall meet you at stage five to regroup. We shall start our new lives together as a community of extremely isolated and disheveled teenagers, but hey, at least we will have escaped the looming threat of year 11...

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  1. haha. this is pretty funny to me. (:

    xo | ❀

  2. Aw, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :) xx